New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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