Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
