So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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