Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
