WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
