And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I currently don't understand fingers.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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