She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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