hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I look better un-naked...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
