Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
