Buhtt sex?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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