YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
