I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
