My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
