do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
