i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize