i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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