And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
