my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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