***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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