By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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