I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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