Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
