remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i drank out of a bidet.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
