How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
