About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
zippers are such a cool invention
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
