I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
