yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
