he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize