Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
