It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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