I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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