once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
