I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
