What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
