I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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