member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
