I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
