your room smells of hookers.
And success
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
