i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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