I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
