"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
