I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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