Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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