I got chris browned last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
