i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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