Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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