I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
