Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
