Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
