at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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