ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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