Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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