last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
