I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
