Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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