can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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