You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
