Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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