she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
