how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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