i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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