Will you blow on my dice?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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