Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Drunk is not a location!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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