No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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