the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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