she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize