he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
