I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
