he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
