the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
