He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
