she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize