i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
