She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are the jesus of drinking
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
