Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
