I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
