You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
