So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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