I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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