you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
