The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
