My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
