Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize