nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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