I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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