now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
