R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
