i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
